I made the decision to follow through on the letter to my father and I wrote it exactly as planned. It was fairly short, simple, to the point. No wiggle room left for him to squeeze back into my life. I have to hope that when my nephew is older he will reach out to me or that I can reach him through his father. I will hold out hope that he will understand what happened and why I couldn’t fight harder for him. I hope more than anything that he can forgive me and let me be a part of his life someday.
It feels very odd knowing that I will never see or speak to my father again. It’s as if he has passed but with no memorial. It may always be that way. I suspect my sister may not notify me when he does pass. This is how it has to be though and I need to find a way to accept it and let go.