Tearing Down Walls

I’ve realized lately that most of my obsessions and anxieties are based in fear. To be honest, I can’t think of one that isn’t at the moment.

I obsess about money for fear there won’t be enough. I obsess about food for fear of being hungry, for fear of not losing weight, for fear of gaining more weight.

I am anxious about doing many things for fear of getting hurt or being embarrassed. I am anxious about going to the gym in the morning for fear of being assaulted in a rough neighborhood before it’s light outside. I am anxious about trying a fitness class for fear I won’t be able to keep up or complete the class. I am anxious about not taking enough food for the day with me for fear I will get too hungry and give in to the convenience of fast food. I am anxious about going for a walk with my coworker for fear she will think I am too slow or that my back will hurt too much to go very far.

This is just a sample. Some of these, like not having enough money, are rooted in things I have been through in the past. And some of them, like fear of being assaulted, are rooted in my parent’s fears. Some seem so small but become larger than life when I am faced with them day after day after day.

My work now has to be to find all of the barriers I have put between myself and good health and tear them down one at a time.


One thought on “Tearing Down Walls

  1. Jenn, I could have wrote this post. it really is about just doing whatever it is you are anxious about. The more I do the things that give me fear the less fear I have. Going through each thing I can tell you what I do. When it comes to money I try to make sure I have a little put away that way I don’t have as much fear knowing I can move money around and be ok no matter what comes along. When it comes to the weight stuff well I still have some scale issues but I know I will never go hungry. I also know that if I am consistent with my food and exercise (plan plan plan) I will be ok. When it comes to fear of the outside like going to the gym early or late I always make sure I have my finger near the panic button on my van key that way I know I could always press it and the horn and lights would start going. As for taking classes well I’ve never yet met an instructor that didn’t modify the moves just for me. When I first started taking classes (300+ lbs) the instructor really was amazing in giving me special care and instruction so I wouldn’t hurt myself. Even this morning when I went the instructor gave me modifications to several things I wasn’t able to do due to my bum knees. When it comes to friends to walk with well I’m sure they are just happy to have you to walk with. I know myself I don’t mind walking slower to have friend time. So just keep pushing through the obsessing and anxiety and it will keep getting easier as things come up. I’m here if you ever want to email me too.

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