I’ve realized lately that most of my obsessions and anxieties are based in fear. To be honest, I can’t think of one that isn’t at the moment.
I obsess about money for fear there won’t be enough. I obsess about food for fear of being hungry, for fear of not losing weight, for fear of gaining more weight.
I am anxious about doing many things for fear of getting hurt or being embarrassed. I am anxious about going to the gym in the morning for fear of being assaulted in a rough neighborhood before it’s light outside. I am anxious about trying a fitness class for fear I won’t be able to keep up or complete the class. I am anxious about not taking enough food for the day with me for fear I will get too hungry and give in to the convenience of fast food. I am anxious about going for a walk with my coworker for fear she will think I am too slow or that my back will hurt too much to go very far.
This is just a sample. Some of these, like not having enough money, are rooted in things I have been through in the past. And some of them, like fear of being assaulted, are rooted in my parent’s fears. Some seem so small but become larger than life when I am faced with them day after day after day.
My work now has to be to find all of the barriers I have put between myself and good health and tear them down one at a time.