It seems I was in an emotional tornado yesterday. I left and had a long phone conversation with my husband. We’re trying to work on things and we just don’t communicate very well. It really hurts us that we only have quality time together on the weekends. I went to my psychiatrist appointment nearly convinced we needed to add a medication but she saw things through a much clearer light. I’ve been dealing with a lot the last month and I still will for a few weeks. However, medication can’t change my current circumstances. If I focus on decreasing my stress and anxiety, I will get through this, and likely before a new medication would even have time to take full effect.
It also seems like I have a lot of break-throughs lately. They’re not necessarily earth-shattering by any means, more like “a-ha” moments that happen to have a big impact on my life. Yesterday I began to realize that I am so tightly wound and easily angered because I am anxious about money, food, etc. But I am obsessed with these things to the point of having multiple large spreadsheets for each. The part I have not figured out is this: am I obsessed because of my anxiety or anxious because of my obsession? It’s actually an important distinction if I’m going to try to make it stop.
There is one other thing I’ve been mulling lately but I thing it requires it’s own post. Let me do some more thinking on it over the weekend.