It seems that having a doctor tell me it wasn’t safe for me to exercise anymore sent me into a slow downward spiral that I am just now breaking free from. Without exercise, I started letting my diet slip until I was right back in the awful place of convenience foods and binge eating. She prescribed beta blockers finally but I had some serious side effects. When they called in a new medication, it turned out to be one we had already tried that had failed. I called back to tell them that and she referred me to a cardiologist instead of trying something else. To say I was frustrated is a major understatement. I saw the cardiologist a few days ago and that was a rough appointment. He gave me the hardcore lecture but I suspect I needed it. He started me on new prescriptions and I’m trying to tough out the side effects but starting to worry as they get a little worse. I think I will put a call in to the office and let them make the decision about whether or not it’s something to worry about. He does want me to consider bariatric surgery to help with my health problems faster than dieting alone can do and I’ll probably talk to my therapist about that later this week because I have very mixed feelings. He has also referred me to an endocrinologist to deal with the pre-diabetes and get nutrition counseling. I have modified my eating this week but it’s not nearly where I need to be. I don’t think I can dive in to that headfirst again because I can never maintain it when I do. I just keep reminding myself that I already have the high blood pressure, high blood sugar and high triglycerides and that diabetes will be the next health issue to show up and that scares me. I can’t constantly remind myself how miserable I am at this point because, well besides it being hard to forget, I tend to beat myself up and then turn to food for comfort. I wish someone could tell me how to do this.