Where did it go?

My motivation. I lost it. I was feeling great on Monday, maybe slightly manic but I’m okay with that. Tuesday was crazy as I only worked a half day, planned to leave for 2 hours but never made it back to work. Chauffeured my husband for a few hours though and at least it was productive. But then I was starving. By the time I could get food, it had also turned into an upset stomach. I headed for home. Once recovered, I was a binging couch potato all evening. Wednesday I came in early, didn’t have lunch with me, left at 2:30 to get blood drawn. I hit the dollar menu on the way home (not sure if that’s better than getting sick). My evening was a repeat of Tuesday with one curve ball. I’m watching tv and pretty suddenly get super emotional and have myself a mini-meltdown. But it wouldn’t just stop and be over. I wasn’t crying, but it was that feeling before you cry combined with serious anxiety, although not a panic attack. It took 3 klonopin and over 2 hours before I managed to go to bed. Today I started out feeling a little better although nothing compared to Monday. About mid-morning I just started feeling exhausted and I have not been able to kick the feeling. I would say I just need to get back on track but I’ve never really been on track. I am SO frustrated. I spend hours meal planning, it’s become an obsession. I try to find the right balance of calories, carbs, fat and protein for each day while controlling sodium. You would think I could stick to it. It seems that no matter how many healthy snacks I schedule, how many calories I get during the work day, I am always ravenous after leaving work. And no matter how much food I scarf down immediately, either on the way home or shortly after getting home, I will continue to feel hunger and eat until at least 8pm. 3 hours! That’s a lot of calories! I don’t have any idea where to go from here.


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