It’s been seven days and I’m still not happy about turning down that job offer last week. Part of me is a little upset they were that low on the salary, totally inflexible about it, and wasted my time when they knew my salary history. I’m willing to take a pay cut, I really am, but I still have to be able to pay my bills so a 40% cut is asking too much. I’m trying to remain positive and be grateful for the interview experience because they always make me nervous.
I finally saw my psychiatrist and therapist again. We’re adding a low dose of Abilify to my Prozac rather than switching medications entirely. It feels weird putting that kind of information out here but I’ve always been pretty honest about what I’m going through. Anyway, it made more sense because the Prozac has been good to me for the past year and I went through a lot of trial and error to get there. I tossed and turned all night but I’m hoping that was related to my discontent from therapy and not the Abilify. So, yeah, therapy. I still didn’t tell my therapist I feel like it isn’t helping anymore. But I think my psychiatrist told him for me. After a year we had slipped into a pattern of catching up on my life and dealing with the immediate issues rather than doing more long term work. Yesterday was different and I left with an assignment. I am supposed to put some thought into what I want out of life, what I think would make me happy. Then I’m supposed to list 5 things for each that I can do to work towards getting myself there. It’s going to be tough because I feel like I’m already doing a lot of work towards those things. I’ll probably end up doing that assignment here publicly to help keep myself honest and just paste it into something I can take to him. I sure don’t need my therapist reading everything. Yesterday’s session has given me a lot to think about and I’ll probably post about that here when I make a little more sense of it.
I’m trying to increase my exercise. I hope that it will help my mood or at least my energy level. Yesterday I ordered a Philips Activa Fitness Monitor that is an MP3 player but also monitors calories burned, gives vocal feedback and chooses what to play from your music based on the tempo. I always tell people I feel like I need a babysitter (trainer) to keep me going so maybe this will help.