Digging Out

Here I am, trying to dig out of this funk still. It’s like being lost in a snowdrift (probably more like quicksand). I didn’t go to therapy last week. I’m at the point where I don’t feel like it’s helping much. I don’t feel like the Prozac is helping much either. I’m just getting by, surviving. And yet, I have my moments where I try to take some kind of action to help myself when I have a little energy. Tomorrow that will come in the form of an interview. I suspect the job can’t come close to paying enough for me to leave my current one but I need to find out. And the interview practice can’t hurt since I’m looking. It’s just seems so odd to me to feel this bad when there’s not really anything wrong. I guess in the past I’ve always been able to point to so many sources of stress and things happening in my life. Right now there’s none of that. Nothing at all major to blame, to focus on, to work on. And not having something I can tackle leaves me feeling like I’m spinning my wheels. How do I pull out of this if I can’t figure out why it’s happening? I feel as if all I can do is manage the symptoms and try to get by. It’s exhausting. And most of the time I feel like a child throwing a temper tantrum on the inside. I want to throw myself on the floor and roll around and whine and cry. On the other hand, my dogs would join in the rolling and either cheer me up or hurt me.

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