I saw my therapist yesterday afternoon. It had been five weeks and it will be another five before I see him again. We’ve made so much progress and I almost feel as if we’re coming to the end of the road. Sure, I still have issues to work on, I think we all do. But the hard work, the stuff I couldn’t do alone, learning the steps to manage my emotions, it’s mostly in the rear-view. It saddens me a little because I’m so used to just pouring everything out to him and being met with understanding and encouragement. It’s a little scary as well to think I might not have that safety net. He was shocked at all the changes I made on my own since our last visit. Granted, it was drastic. But I am so much healthier mentally and emotionally. And, as I explained to him, I’m improving physically as well and I want to just take that one thing and give it every bit of my effort. I don’t want distractions or excuses. I’ve suddenly discovered what it’s like to put myself first and to take care of myself. I hope that doesn’t sound selfish but I also realize I wasn’t much good to anyone else when I was a total mess. The current plan is to see him about every six weeks to check in and have that safety net in place through the toughest time of year for me. When we get to the other side, I may actually see him more often as I tackle getting off medications.
I woke up in severe pain shortly before 3am this morning with my left arm hurting. I was having a weird dream and was in pain in my dream until I started waking up and realizing I really was in pain and it spread through my whole arm. The anxious part of me feared that I would actually have a heart attack now that I am focusing on my health. The logical part of me took an aspirin just in case and blamed my old shoulder injury. The insomniac part of took the dogs out for a walk. Boy am I glad we live in a safe neighborhood! My husband came home from work about 3:15 and pulled over as we were walking down the street and of course without my contacts I couldn’t tell it was his vehicle if it weren’t for the sound. I didn’t feel too bad after all of it this morning though and I woke up with a head start on my pedometer (I wear it 24/7 except in the shower because it monitors my sleep too).
This afternoon I fought my laziness and agreed to walk with my coworkers. Seven laps around the area equals one mile and they walked so fast my calves were just aching by the time we were done. I was proud of myself once they stopped hurting though. It’s hard sometimes to remember how good it feels to work past the pain.
I want to start sharing recipes here as well as I discover healthy ones that my husband will actually eat and not hate.